Carpe Diem Baby

I've been having strange dreams, with vivid imagery. Sometimes when I close my eyes when I am tired I can get these strange images too. It seems to have gone away now, but I was feeling strangely in a dream like state when awake sometimes. I see fields of colours, spinning wheels and swirls, and luminous objects, sort of like a LSD trip in a dream. It's odd but not scary.

I've been really happy with N. Things are going well, although I still haven't dealt with the L word. I am scared about my feelings because something still doesn't feel right, but I don't know what it is. I am lying in bed typing this, and I think the keyboard is irritating her. I know things must be getting comfortable if she is starting to get irritated by things I do, so I actually quite like that we are at that point. :)

I have been feeling on and off. I'm a bit melancholy right now, and unsure of myself. I felt like I should have made some big changes to my life, but I've only been doing small things. Maybe that is enough right now, but I can't get over the looming feeling of doom, and wasted time. It feels like I need to do something dramatic, and that's why I'm still here. It's probably just that sort of carpe diem feeling you get after any significant event though.

So I suppose it's too late to write much more. I have an issue about my eating at the moment, I'm very paranoid of putting on weight. I hope the feeling will pass. I know I will put on a little weight with the way I've been eating, but I am enjoying the food, and I really don't have a lot to worry about. But I do worry about it a lot.