All Good Things

I am having trouble sleeping, because my ear has got blocked and it's now bothering me a lot. The ear drops just made it worse sadly.

I spoke to B about my concerns and she seemed ok with how I felt, and what was happening. She said she was being especially cautious because of how she thinks I am the heart on the sleeve type and she wants to be sure she knows what she wants, so she doesn't hurt me, or get hurt. I made some guesses as to what was happening, and she seemed really open and honest about things.

It's weird, it feels like I've known her a long time, but it's not even been two weeks. It feels slightly crazy that things are going so fast, but have been genuinely getting on really well. So I have tried to pull my heart back a bit, and start being more friendly, and less lovey dovey. That seems to have helped. She wants to spend all weekend here, and I was really excited about that.

I saw A for the first time in over a month last night. It was nice to see him and catch up. We don't see enough of each other lately. He does seem very busy with his girfriend in London, and the long commute to his job every day.

I am getting on well with N, and I don't feel resentful or hurt about her new relationship. I want her to be happy, and I feel upset that she's depressed and hypersensitive about being abandoned again. If I was psychoanalysing I'd say she has the same issue about men as I have about women. I hope he has lots of patience and can be there for her while she sorts herself out. She dwells and enjoys the drama quite a bit, so I guess he has to be able to take those ups and downs and let things settle, as does she.

Thankfully, she does seem to be starting to get over B now. I guess that's something. I want to go swimming with her later in the week - hopefully she'll be ok with that but I haven't spoken to her for a couple of days. I think encouraging her to exercise will help boost her self confidence, and it'll give me a reason to travel to a decent swimming pool, since the one in the gym is tiny.