It's been awhile since I wrote. So, since I last put anything in here, I've met a nice girl whom I really like, B...we've been on a few dates, and she's stayed over three nights I think in the last week or so.
It's going pretty fast - 'too fast' she said. So I have to try to slow myself down. And I do the usual thing I do when I am stepping into a new relationship - make myself too emotionally and physically available. I need to learn how to play hard to get, because otherwise I really feel I won't keep her. Uncertainty drives passion, and she doesn't know me well enough to know either way yet whether she really wants to be with me.
Anyhow, I just realised that after I said she could chat to me any time, and she said 'I know.' I think I need to learn to be chased a bit more. And be surprising. I need to be coy. I hope I still have enough time to reverse things a bit, and feel in control again.
I do start to feel the fear of abandonment. But I know relationships are full of games. I wish I knew why they always have to be played. Maybe I just need to know how to play the games better.
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