Anger Rears

Maybe N reads this. I don't think she does, but she keeps asking me if I love her, over and over. Today she even sent me links comparing infatuation to love, in a typically unscientific way. I even admitted I was infatuated with her too, but that doesn't mean I can't also love her.

I get frustrated she never trusts my judgement, and now I am really angry because I have told her it upsets me, and she 'thinks is it important to question our feelings'. I do question my feelings for her, everytime she upsets me like this. And every time I have to try to be understanding and caring because I love her. But I wish she would just stop saying it like she is doing it for me. Thinking she knows what is better for me emotionally more than I do is just another way she doesn't trust my judgement.

The worst thing is I am really insecure at the moment, so when she does something that makes me feel worse, supposedly for my own good, I question her motives. But she won't admit she asks me out of insecurity. She pushes me away, and waits until she could take the negative answer, that I don't love her, and then repeatedly asks me if I do over and over again.

What's annoying as hell is I have never loved her more. I feel so much love for her this week, and frustratingly that is now overshadowed by the anger at it not being enough for her. She was being really supportive, but I feel she is going to get needy again. And she will make is all about me, like it's what I need. I need to feel secure, and cared for. Everytime she puts her insecurities on to me I feel like she isn't respecting my feelings and so I feel even more insecure. This time I just feel angry though.

At least I can feel angry though. At least I am feeling something.