Feeling quite unhappy, more specifically melancholy today. I’m looking forward to when S decides it’s time to speak to me again, and in the back of my mind I’m really scared she’s never going to. she has deleted her Facebook profile, and changed her number. She could cut me out of her life if she wanted. I’m so scared, I wish she could just tell me her feelings now. But I’ll try to give her time - it may well be worth it.
I went to see Craig again today to discuss how I am getting on. He seems quite keen to see me back on medication, which I think I agree with. I am irritable, demotivated, unhappy and lethargic. I don’t think I have felt this bad and unambitious for a long time. I have ideas but I can’t face going back to work, or coming up with a new way to make a living right now. I think I need to come up with something fairly quickly, but I seem to be able to hardly function intellectually. I feel useless at my job, and my profession. I think a change of scene will help, but I’ve no idea at the best way to achieve it right now.
I am looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist on Tuesday. I really hope she can help me. Craig says she is an excellent doctor. I hope she can figure out my messed up mind.
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