So, back to work today. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. People mostly left me alone and mostly didn't ask what had been wrong, although I hadn't come up with anything to say when they did, and felt a bit stupid. And I worked late for no particular reason. I have to try to stop doing that.
I am shattered tonight, the Lofepramine I've started taking does make me drowsy. Not so much in a fall asleep way, as it sort of allows my mind to go blank, and things to feel a little surreal. But I'm tired anyway, so I think it must be adding to that.
I've been talking very dirty to N tonight via text messages. I am really into her at the moment and think maybe it could lead somewhere. But I am scared of my heart getting hurt. And when she said 'love you' in her final text, I don't know whether she really meant it or not. It feels like I am fine with the sex and affection, but love will take awhile, if it comes. I don't want her to be upset that I won't be able to tell her the same thing.
I am thinking about taking a creative writing or psychology course, or both. If I can keep up the writing I'll be really happy. It feels like such an important outlet for me.
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