Tea and Bird Song

I am lying in bed, with N beside me, feeling very relaxed this morning. Life doesn't seem so bad, and I enjoyed the sound of bird song when I awoke. I made tea in the teapot, and realised I don't like skimmed milk. I have been drinking it for a few months, but it's rubbish, I'll switch back to semi-skimmed again, which tastes nicer.

One of the worst things about depression is sometimes it is truly hard to know what is good for, and bad for you. When you are having a major episode, often it feels like you don't enjoy anything. Since this is the case, it's hard to know what is worth doing and not doing, since none of it is enjoyable.

I have been feeling like that lately, trying things because they came along, rather than that I was enjoying them. The first thing that always comes back to me as I come out of a bad episode though, is the love of food. I remember foods I enjoy, get cravings, and try new foods. I can show remarkable open mindedness in that area, even if the rest of my life is dull. On the other hand I am intensely lazy, and don't cook much, so I end up eating lots of crap, which depresses me, or eating out a lot which makes me happy, but costs too much. Well, at the moment I am starting to understand myself a little more in that area.

I have been interested in how omega-3 affects depression, as of recent years there has been a great deal of interest in this area. I would say there was reasonable evidence to suggest that it, or at least consumption of fish is likely to reduce the incidence of depression. Some would disagree. On the other hand, it isn't harmful in small quantaties at all, and seems to have quite a few possible health benefits. So for the sake of a few quid, it's probably worth a try. My Dad who is a chemist gave me some, but I'll get some more and keep taking it.

The Lofepramine on the other hand is making me exhausted, and doesn't seem to be lifting my depression really. I feel pretty intense this week, and it isn't helping my anxiety at all yet. I'm not convinced it is working, but I will keep trying, since it is still early days. I feel pretty ok this morning, but then I forgot my dose last night. Maybe it is actually making things worse.

I found this website, which seems interesting and in depth. It's nice to have something more intellectually demanding than most self help sites, with intelligent musings:

http://www.mcmanweb.com