Postal Request

I feel a bit sick today. S got the engagement ring through the post, along with the suicide letter I sent her and the 'will'. She admitted it had upset her very much. She has agreed to talk to me tonight, once I got upset with her riddles and strange behavior. She won't tell me anything but seems to be expecting something from me. She is unhappy about her decision and is hanging around waiting for me to do something about it. She did say she would send the ring back as soon as possible though.

I told her I don't know what I am supposed to do. I told her to either give me up and let me get on with the rest of my life, or admit she made a mistake and ask for what she needs, whether it is time, or whatever. She told me it was too confusing texting so we are talking on the phone later. It's like she is scared to properly let me go, but doesn't want to give up her husband either. You would think she'd think it was unfair to keep me hanging on. I must be worth more than this. She already choose him, but won't tell me why, and keeps saying she's unhappy. How can any of this be my fault? It did everything I could for her.

She certainly isn't getting a visit from me though, or all the emotional support she's asking for. She feels really bad and sort of expects me to fix her. She said she doesn't want anything from me. So why is she so unsure of her decision then? I don't think I can take any more of her messing me about. She says how sorry she is, but won't tell me why she did it or anything. She is playing with my head and I am finding it so hard to deal with.

If I get nothing out of her tonight, I will ignore her until she starts acting like I'm a human being with real feelings, and actually talking to me instead of giving me endless small talk. I feel like a mouse being pawed around by a cat - playing with my life because she has the power to. I know she isn't like that really, but she can't seem to see how her indecisiveness is affecting me.