Needy Little Boy

I nearly went out with N last night to see some bands but she wasn't feeling well, I tried three other people and two of them didn't reply, so I spent another night in on the internet. I'm getting really sick of my friends not wanting to be friends. I only want to go out and have a good time, but they just don't seem interested. The only nights out I'm having are dates with almost strangers. It's nice, but I need someone I know to go out with too!

I got into another emotive discussion with N which descended to and from an argument. I was trying to be standoffish and slightly mean, but after a few glasses of wine it quickly descended into a lack of control and messy feelings, me telling how much I loved her still and how much I wanted her, and bla bla bla. I think maybe I should stop drinking for a week or two, and see if it helps control my emotions a bit better. I am struggling to cope with the constant anxiety at the moment.

So this morning I woke again at 5am, managed to get back to sleep for an hour, then the anxiety kicked in again and I was wide awake and couldn't get back to sleep. It's getting to be an amazong pain. I can't remember the last time I had a proper, uninterupted night's sleep. I don't know the best thing to do about it.

In other news, I thought I'd give growing a beard a go. Never tried before. The idea makes me feel manly :)