Sandy Beaches

Morning pop-pickers. I'm not sure who I'm addressing exactly, because as far as I am aware, no one reads this!

This morning I'm feeling uncertain again. I've yet to get anywhere exploring the depths of my subconscious, and am rapidly coming to the conclusion that it's not worth worrying about. I'll do what I feel like and see what happens. I have decided I could do with a new hobby to keep me occupied though, something to work my brain a little that I enjoy. I think it will help with work and getting back to the kind of thinking I could do a few months ago.

I feel very shallow and vain recently - I think I've been talking for N too long. I spoke to B about her this morning, who is really glad to be rid of her. I guess I am starting to feel the same. I don't get much from her but complaints these days, and she's not a friend who makes me feel good about myself, she makes me feel worse. I think I will try to develop a standoff relationship with her and avoid having her feelings get to me. There are other women out there, and they are better for me. I can accept having feelings for her without having to act on them.

I realised what a lot I've been through this year when I contacted my old friend Sandy (that's obviously not her actual name). She's someone I slept with a long time ago, she used to be my friend's girlfriend. I had stronger feelings for her then too, but it was a menage et trois, with him and her, and I felt guilty for feeling that way about her for a long time. I guess it's in the past now though, perhaps something new will develop, or at least I will be able to be friends with her again. I miss that.

I have a therapy appointment soon, so I will cut this short. Perhaps I'll write more later.