All Things Come to An End

I am much more stable after talking through things with N. I apologised and we sort of made up. Things feel better than they did.

This afternoon I sent an email asking a lady called Ann what was happening with S. And then I had these weird feelings when she told me she had moved out from her husband's house, and they really were getting divorced. Something I wanted 6 months ago. And it was weird thinking that maybe she was still around.

It's hard thinking that two women in almost the same situation have had the same doubts about their divorce and broke up with me in similar ways in the same year. Both women I would have spent the rest of my life with, if they had let me.

I have had a lot of problems with things feeling like de je vu with N. It's not surprising really. I had a therapy appointment this afternoon, but I was late, so it was only half an hour. It still helped though.

I think I am getting better gradually. I am getting closer to the peace of mind I'm looking for. I hope when I do get there, the state will stay for at least awhile. I need new goals for life, and new ambitions. I hope I can come up with them again.