Surge of Anger

I got a big surge of anger today when N complained about a status message I'd written on facebook. I was pissed off that she thought it was ok to decide what I am allowed to put about how I feel about her. It said something about me being upset that she was with another guy last night. And that was too much information on her sex life.

I told her to piss off, and that I wasn't going to do what she said anymore. I have really had enough of her and her endless excuses, and her phony caring. She pretends to care about my feelings, but if I complain about anything she does, she whinges about how I am trying to control her. And she keeps trying to tell me what to do.

I didn't want to talk to her today, but she insisted on me changing my message. So I wrote back to her and gave her some home truths, about how she manipulated me, took advantage of my state to start the relationship, and left when she was strong enough, and didn't need me anymore. And about how resentful she's been about my depression, despite her having the same problems.

I also told her to stop complaining about her marriage, because she did the same thing there, refused to take responsibility for her own actions, and the things that caused B to dislike and resent her. It is always someone else's fault, or some platitude about how she is a 'single mum' (half the time, when their Dad doesn't have them, and he would take them if he could whenever). Or it's because she has depression. Or it's because she is having a divorce. All excuses to get away with being mean and selfish, to me and other people. She thinks all her actions are justifiable, just because she was the one who did them.

I'm sick to death of it, and I don't want to talk to or see her. I don't need someone like that, and although I knew what she was like at the start, I didn't realise just how far she'd go to get her own way. I can do better. I deserve to be treated better than she has treated me, with the lies, the manipulation and the guilt trips, and I have faith that there is a nicer girl out there who wouldn't treat people like that to get their own way.

I hope she gets better, and starts to learn that not everything is about her. But right now, I wouldn't take her back if she paid me.