Stupid Cow

Again I wake up at 5.30am wondering what's wrong with my body clock. My first thoughts are the norm, I think about N, and the arguments we had last night.

For the first time though, I am still angry at her. I still resent her this morning, and I don't feel bad for upsetting her last night. She deserves to be upset, and I deserve to be able to hate her for how she has made me feel. Things are easier that way.

I deleted her friend from Facebook too, because I was sick of seeing her status updates. Then I felt all self-rightous and realised that I don't need to make this work for anyone else, only for myself. I am convinced that she really doesn't care about me at all after speaking to her last night, so why should I care about her? I will help her pay for the therapy still, to be a decent human being, but I don't feel an obligation to her anymore. I have felt obligated for so long. I guess I have a strong sense of loyalty that it takes a lot to break. Well, she eventually managed to break it.

I am glad I spoke to her, because normally this has the wrong effect, but I am actually quite convinced that it is for the best now. It would take a fucking saint to put up with her shit. I guess that's what B was for being married to her. She is a self absorbed, vacuous, superficial, pretentious bitch, who also acts like a slut and doesn't care about other people's feelings. She thinks she is much smarter than she actually is, and this coupled with her extreme stubborness makes her a massive pain in the arse. She also has a huge sense of entitlement, like she deserves to be treated differently to other people. She doesn't.

I hate her. Bitch, bitch, bitch.

Wow, that was venomous. But true, in her case.

I never felt this way about S. She has her issues, but at least she doesn't pretend she is always doing the right thing. N has to have to moral high ground too. Stupid cow. Grrrrrr.