Lack of a Spark

I went on a date this afternoon with a new girl I met on match. She was lovely, but I'm not sure that anything will happen there. I was nervous around her, and I was a bit afraid of being myself because she seemed so timid and shy. She seems really innocent, I think she may be a virgin, and she has never been on a plane before. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but she's not very adventurous or ambitious, which is sort of a turn off really.

She's not realy travelled much and lives with her parents. She seems like the family type, but I'd expect her to want to meet someone from a Church group, not a freaky, criminal type like me. She is way too nice for me. I usually go for head strong women who know what they want. She is cute and shy and although very pretty, she's quite reserved and it's hard to see if she likes me or not.

Of course, as soon as I left (and most of the date) I was thinking about how amazing N is, and how she was so much more my type, and more attactive to me. It's really hard to deal when I know who I want to be with already, and I can't have them. I wish love wasn't so complicated.

I miss the certainty of knowing what I wanted my future to be. Now it is all a blank slate. I want to go out and have fun, but the harder I try, the less fun I seem to have. I suppose that's how it works really though...maybe I'm trying too hard or something. I still believe there are other girls I could get on with really well out there, but the ones I am really interested in don't seem to return my interests. Maybe I should just give up and be alone.